Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

Well, of course everyone will recognise the photo of me on the left. But alas no more! I have had a haircut.

I have posted a new photo of myself, so now you will have no-excuse anymore for passing me without recognition in the street.

Nemeses Confronted

Well kids! Let me not say that I am not breeding up a race of super-explorers. Searching the world from top to tail for strange sea beasts.

After our recent call to action on this topic, with Mark straying into Giant Crab Territory. It just goes to show, that sometimes you find things where you least expect it.

Young Captain Adam was just innocently walking through the sunny streets of Vienna. Perhaps re-living some of his favourite scenes from Inspector Rex, admiring the bad haircuts and perhaps hoping that he might see Inspector Moser showing his charm to young ladies.

Perhaps still thinking of Rex, Adam walked into the beautiful old Natural history Museum. In which there was an old man who was hiding diamonds in one of the stuffed Polar Bears on the top floor. He was filled by the wonder of the dinosaur bones......(Oh these ancient beasts! Why are you no more?) Torn by his reflections, Adam notices that his bladder was full. He climbs the stairs to the bathroom. I like to think that at this point-he felt a shiver go up and down his spine- A premonition of what was to come.

I will now cross over to Captain Adam's testimony- which is an eyewitness account, written as we all know in his favourite tense. The third person.

"Adam's in Vienna, Adam Goes to Natural History Museum. Adam sees cool
dinosaurs. Adam goes to toilet upstairs. Adam sees........JAPANESE GIANT
CRABS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how i laughed at my dead nemesis! All dead like
in that glass display. Oh how sweet it felt to scream "I am the
greatest!!!" at the top of my lungs and hear it reverberate in the carcass
of a once great, now humbled creature. I stood there and laughed with all
my heart, for i had finally tasted the sweetness that is, victory!
I think that is all i can handle to tell you for now, in fact i think that
is all i ever need to say again."

Extreme Health Warnings -Part 1

" Dehydration- It's for Losers"
You know its true!

Things I like about my friends -Part One

This is a picture of Katie Cheese and Ducky Tong.



One of the things that I like about these two is that they are -

Very serious about things during the week,
but on the weekend, they like to have fun!

Summer of Love...

"Indians are very passionate people -you know dear" was the reaction of Mrs Pitt, (My flatmate's mother) when I told her of my growing passion for VVS Laxman in the summer of 2003.

It had been a long hot summer, and I had become enamoured of this very fine batsman- (while painting lovely, silly Nana Jude's kitchen) and as the temperature and his batting averages increased- so did my affection.

Surprisingly for me, (as I had had no actual contact with the man) he felt the attraction too, and started ringing the house........ Mainly just before I got home from somewhere, and -he always spoke to my flatmate Kerrie. Try and try as she might, she could never arrange for us to meet. She would invite him over to dinner on Thursday, but he would have to play another day down in Melbourne- or another time I remember he was be stuck in a Press Conference, and did not arrive until I had just left the house.

Would we never get it together???????

As the test came to a close, I was devastated that I might not see him before he went back to India!

My one true love! VVS! VVS! The time came, when I saw that plane that must hold my love-flying right over my head!

He must come back, I hoped, preyed, wept, etc etc. No histrionics were spared to display to the world my despair. As Valentines Day ominously loomed, every cut out pink heart seemed to cut my heart to the very core. HOW! How could he forsake me! After all we had been through together!

On February 14th morning came, and every lover loving, appeared to be dressed in cricket flannels. Every kiss on the lips seemed to sound like the sound of a cricket ball being hit (By HIM!) to another century. I was in a daze. Heaven knows how I got through that cruel day.

It was not till evening that as I approached my house (in which I had so very nearly had so many fun times with VVS) with a heavy head. Walking along with my nose to the ground, every piece of gravel passed my wandering eye like the camera doing a panoramic sweep of the crowd in the SCG. (ooh! look! There is a really pretty piece sunning itself!) Then! I saw a flash of red.

Red!

On my front doorstep!

My pulse raced, my heart was in my mouth. I just knew it! It was from him! What could it be? Had he found my hearts desire? It was a parcel! I love parcels! And what was it in this box? Every womans true desire! In short, my friends, yes.......It was a box of frozen chico rolls.

When I recovered from the dead swoon in which I had found myself, I read the note accompanying the parcel, which can be seen for time immemorial- displayed upon my fridge.

This is the way I will always remember VVS. It may have been that he went out and got married the day after he sent me the Chico Rolls (which are so hard to come by in India). But he knows, and I know, that always in his heart I will always be his Dahl Princess.

Perhaps the most definitive list of pirate jokes ever.

How to be popular with your friends.

As I very well know, there is nothing that makes you quite so popular as a pirate joke or two speckled indiscriminately into general conversation..........And if there is something else I know, it is that no-one EVER gets tired of hearing the same old Pirate jokes repeated ad-nauseum. So I thought that as an act of public service- I should make public the Pirate gems that I have managed to gleam from my travels. Please add any that I have forgotten.

(And if you are feeling angry look into the little kitten's eyes. (He is called Philip.))

• What is a Pirate's favourite type of Movie?

One that is rated Arrrgggghhhh!

• What is a Pirate's favourite animal?

an Arrrggghhhdvark!

• How does a Pirate like to travel when on Land?

-In a Caaarrrgghhh!

• How much does a Pirate charge for ear-piercing?

-A Buccaneer!

• Where does a Pirate keep his Buccaneers?

-Under his Buccan'at!

• What is a Pirate's favourie sort of jumper?

-Arrrgggyyle!

• What is a pirate's favourite character from a Jane Austen Novel?

-Mr Daaarrrggghhcy!

• Why did the Pirate do his belt up with a Pumpkin?

-He was a Squash-buckler!

• What is a Pirate's favourite Protest Song?

-The Times, They arrrggghhh a changing!

• How did the Pirate poison his wife?

-Arrrggghhsnic!

• What do you call the pirate who tried to burn down his own ship?

-An Aarrrggghhsonist!

• How did the French Pirate say good-bye?

-Arrrgggghhh-Revoir!

• Where did the French Pirate catch the Train?

-A'la Gaaarrrrrre!

Things to look out for if you are in.........Japan!

Well fine followers. This is the beginning of a series of strange and wonderful things to look out for -if ye be in a strange and wonderful place. This series is interactive-so if you are to be somewhere exotic, or even just in one of the outer suburbs of Lake Macquarie -you just drop me a line, and I may or may not tell you what you should be looking out for (Depending on my whim).

As I always say- whether you are home, or away, you are always overseas from something.

Today this entry is specially for young Harry Potter, who has decided to seek his fortune in the land of the rising sun.

I have sent many before on this mission, and I have no doubt will send many after him, but as I have observed- Mark has a fast eye and a level head about him, he may finally be the boy to (yes!......yes!......it is time my pretties!) take on the GIANT CRAB!

This large crustacean is Arch-Nemesis to Captain Adam ((shown in this picture, (disguised as someone called Stephen)) -who lost his big toe to this giant beast and sworn vengeance from this day forth. The Giant Crab terrorises the Japanese coast, and has been seen so far away as the coast of Russia and Norway!

Take Heed Mark, and keep your wits about you. For you never know from which direction the clattering of claws over pavement will come. So keep one eye on the sea, and hopefully another on Mittens!

Bon Voyage!

Strange Sea Beasties #2. A series on exotic sharks (Part 3) The Loan Shark

loan sharks

Try not to meet one at a party.

Strange Beasties #2 (Part2) A series on exotic sharks. The Card Shark

Well, I hate to say it, but you were really duped this time. After a long voyage of exploration (from which I have only this day returned)-I have found that the Card Shark- (according to the huzzafish classification of sea beasts) is no separate species of shark at all- but (you guessed it!) A SHARK MADE OF PAPER!

No natural phenomeni are these little warmits. I even did a search, and you can make your own! Wonders will never cease! Who'd of thunk it!